i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
