Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
