i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
