I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
