just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
