The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
