Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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