You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
