looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
