so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
