all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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