That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
