I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
