I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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