so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
