And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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