need another drink. this is the easiest way
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
