I puked a lego.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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