I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
