u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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