mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
