Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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