Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
