mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
