I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
