Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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