don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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