nut hugger
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
