An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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