I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
