fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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