she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
dude. I can hear the air.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
