I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
