He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
