if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize