How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
