I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
