I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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