I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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