Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
