No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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