you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
