new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
