Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
