He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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