I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
