I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
