I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
