Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
