i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
