you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
